Friday, September 21, 2012

I Fucking Hate Facebook!

Okay, let me clarify something. I've never really been a fan of social networking sites in the first place, but I have my reasons for that. One good reason is  because it allowed a terrible stalker to harass me along with my horrible ex-boyfriend. It first began with Myspace which I didn't really have any problems with for a while until everybody and their fucking mother switched over to Facebook.

I HATE FACEBOOK! I don't like the way it looks, I don't like how fascist their rules and methods are, and it is just completely overrated! So when I was recently checking my PM's on, I got asked if I had a Facebook page, in which I said I didn't. I was informed that you get tons of benefits from having a Facebook page and liking Edenfantasys products, so I considered making one for a while. I finally broke down and made a facebook page. I was immediately turned off that it wanted to know just about EVERYTHING about me. I am actually a very private person. I come from a very religious and conservative background over here, and I can't afford to have my relatives and acquaintances know about my sex toy reviewing. It would be absolutely devastating for me to do so and would pretty much humiliate and disappoint my family.

I went ahead and used my nickname for the site, which it finally decided to freaking accept. So, I liked EF's facebook page and a few products, only to be IMMEDIATELY banned for spamming. I did not know why or how I was spamming! I liked about 10 things and it banned my account for 30 days. I've tried contacting the incompetent twats at Facebook and they don't give me any response. I read their shitty policies and realized just how fucking G-rated Facebook is. Why would they allow a sex toy site to post stuff about sex toys on their page, but I can't even like any of the products from there without getting banned?! I just don't understand it. If any of my readers have an answer about this, or just a random passerby who can actually deal with facebook knows something, please message me. I really want to know what the Hell is going on with that shitty ass site!

I guess the moral of this story is don't buy into peer pressure because it sucks. I should have continued to avoid Facebook like the plague it is!

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Struggling to Write Reviews

I've been struggling as of late to dish out my sex toy reviews. It's not that I procrastinate or that I get distracted by other things; it is solely because of my illness and the side effects of the many medicines I have to take everyday.

When I write reviews, it takes me a long time because I strive for perfection. I want to make the most informative review that I possibly can, so that I can get "extremely useful" ratings for my reviews. I take pride in my work and I want to be at 100% when I write them. When I am having a severe pain episode, which has almost been a daily thing lately, I can hardly even breathe, so writing a damn good review is out of the question. Since I am on heavy-duty painkillers (Fentanyl trans-dermal patches and Norco opiate/narcotics), I tend to have a lot of mental slow-down and drowsiness as side-effects. I've tried writing reviews while I was under the influence of my meds, but it did not turn out well...Not one bit. I didn't turn my review into my mentor at the time because it was so incoherent. My thoughts jumped from one place to another, words were horribly misspelled and I could hardly understand anything that was written. I saw the results once I was sober and cried. All I want to do is get my reviews out quickly in a timely manner but my health isn't making that possible.

I get so frustrated and jealous when I go on sometimes because writing reviews seems so easy to everyone else. They can publish multiple reviews daily or just about every other day, while it takes me damn months to get anything done correctly. Not to mention, my rank recently decreased by .1 which doesn't seem like a lot, but it meant a lot to me to earn that .1 point. I couldn't help that I was in and out of the hospital. I didn't think my rank would have dropped so damn quickly, but it did. I've become more active, but my rank still remains at 5.4. It really breaks my heart and makes me feel like a failure sometimes. I wish I could write reviews quickly and be more active, but I just can't write them now while I am still trying to recover. I've been working on some for quite some time now, but they still aren't at my standards yet.

My disability is really getting in the way of something I am passionate about doing, and it is causing me so much depression and stress. I just wish my pain would subside, so that I can focus on writing excellent reviews.

You might be thinking that since I am writing this, I could write the reviews easily, well, you are definitely wrong. Writing extremely useful reviews is not like writing about whatever the Hell you want and whatever is on your mind at the moment. You have to do proper research, get correct measurements, list ingredients, if you are reviewing a bath product, etc., and know what those ingredients truly are (whether they are vegan approved, or unhealthy for people with sensitive skin) and the list goes on. It isn't simple and it takes a lot of focusing in order to do it correctly.

All I can do is pray that my situation changes so that I can dish out reviews and get rid of the burden that has been plaguing me. If you're reading this, wish me luck, because I need a lot of it right now.

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Breaking News: I'm No Longer a Single Submissive!

Yes, you did read the title correctly! If you kept up with me on, you'd notice that I would constantly bitch about being miserable, lonely and single. Well, that isn't necessarily the case right now. In fact, things are quite different for me in the relationship department.

For a few months, members of the Edenfantasys forum directed me to FetLife, a social networking site made by kinksters and for kinksters. I finally got the balls to join the site, and I immediately got messaged by lots of Doms and Masters. I'm not a slave, so I kindly declined the Masters' invitations, but one of the very first people that messaged me was a wonderful Dominant. He was very open and up-front to me. He told me he was married, has children, and is in an open polyamorous relationship. I was pretty taken aback by this. I knew nothing of polyamory and I was offended at first that a married man would message me. I still continued to talk to him with the hopes of at least gaining a good friend with many similar interests as myself.

Over time, our friendship began to blossom into something more. He explained how his open marriage worked and that he only wants to be with his wife and his chosen submissive. He did not want anything short-termed and intends to have a happy life with his two true loves. I began to understand him better and now his marriage status doesn't even bother me any more. With how close we've become, we are madly in love with each other. He helps me cope with my illness and he is one of the kindest people I've ever had the pleasure of meeting. He genuinely loves me and respects me. To be honest, I feel like I am already married to him, and he actually told me he feels the same way. Having the ring doesn't really matter, just having the emotional connection and love is pretty much what matters to me.

I guess I want to get the message across that one should never give up on love, like I almost did because of my poor health. There's good people out there that will love you regardless of your health, weight, height or skin color. Just keep your heart open but keep your mind very focused on what you want out of a relationship. I wish everyone luck and I really hope that my relationship will remain amazing for many years to come.

Chaotic September and Brief Update!

Well damn...This month has been a real bitch to me so far. As you may already know if you read any of my previous stuff, I am chronically ill. As of late, I've been in and out of the hospital because I've been having some very dangerous symptoms, including trouble breathing and loss of consciousness. Of course, every time I went to the hospital or doctor, they had no idea what the Hell has been going on with me. I've spent a combined total of 6 days in the hospital and that is just for this month alone! I really hope this doesn't keep up during October, which is the month of my birthday. I tend to be ill a lot on my birthdays; this has gone on ever since I was a little girl though, so it isn't anything new.

Due to this sudden onset of dangerous symptoms, I took a brief hiatus from everything, including my Edenfantasys reviews and updating this blog. I am currently trying to rectify that little issue. I am currently working on two reviews that I should have posted sometime next week. It all really depends on my health and whether or not I am not practically brain dead from the heavy duty painkillers I have to take. My medications and my medical conditions make it very hard for me to quickly write reviews which depresses me quite often. I'd appreciate it that once I have my reviews posted, you guys will check them out. Hell, check out my older reviews! You can find them at the bottom of my blog via the widget that has my information on it.

I decided to also include a brief update about things I am planning to do soon:

I am trying to buy a damn digital camera for my birthday. Yes, that is correct I do not own a camera at all an d I haven't owned one in years. It's so terrible, because there's lots of memories I wanted to capture, but had no camera to really do it. Plus, once I get my camera, I would like to start including images for my Edenfantasys reviews, along with interesting images for my blog. Some may not be safe for work, but we'll cross that bridge once we get there!

I also am planning on getting some piercings done! For a long time, I've wanted my nipples pierced, but due to being in a religious home and not having any outside connections, I have no way of getting it done. Not to mention, my money gets obliterated by my medical expenses. My money is also monitored by my parents, because, well, they like keep me as their little girl forever I suppose. I don't think they realize that I'm 24 going on 25 yet. With my illness, I feel more like a 60 year old woman, though...My sister agreed to take me to the tattoo and piercing shop for my birthday next month, but I will have to get a piercing that my parents won't really flip out over. (Nose piercing). I'm hoping that I will have enough money to get my nose and my nipples pierced. It would be suspicious of me to go to a piercing shop and come back with less money and no visible piercings; my parents would interrogate the Hell out of me and find out about it. I don't know how the Hell they would react to it, and it will most likely be negatively. They'd probably call me some sort of demonic slut and I may get actually hit for it...I don't know, I'm afraid to find out what would happen. Regardless, one day I will get my nipples pierced because it's something I wanted to do for a very long ass time.

I will also be writing a review on a really nice shower cap that I got from Look out for that review really soon!

That's pretty much all I have to say for the time being, so I hope everyone is doing much better than I am right now!

Saturday, August 25, 2012

The Curious Case of LadyDarknezz: Part 1

I've decided to post about recent medical issues on this blog as well. I mean, why the Hell not? The whole disabled thing is mentioned in the title anyway.

Eve from The Binding of Isaac by_efrejok-d54kprt
This isn't going to be a post about my rare pancreas condition, because it would take me ages to type about it, explain it, and all that fun stuff. Instead, this is about another mystery illness that I apparently have that's affecting my kidneys.

You see, a little over a year ago, I developed a kidney infection from God knows what. This infection has been lingering until this very day. That's right, it has not yet been defeated and I've finished my eighth round of antibiotics to try and kill whatever is messing up my kidneys. (I can't even remember if it's the eighth or ninth bout; I lost count because I take a lot of medicines every damn day.) I have all the annoying symptoms of a kidney or UTI infection: frequent urge to urinate, painful urination, etc. Now, imagine having these symptoms every day for over a year! Yes, I think it is officially driving my ass nuts!

However, my symptoms are becoming more serious. Now, I have severe lethargy. I'm not talking about just being really tired, I'm talking about I can't wake up or get out of bed a lot of the time. I also have blood in my urine sometimes along with dark-fatty stools. Sometimes, I can't even urinate for at least a day, and when I finally do, it's only a couple of drops! I feel like I can't even empty my bladder, too. I know, it's gross, but it is what's going on with me right now. I've been to the doctor and E.R. over some of these symptoms but they can't pin-point what's wrong. I'm exhibiting some of the symptoms of kidney failure, yet my ultrasound showed that my kidneys looked perfectly fine.

I'm sorry that I don't have faith in the damn ultrasound, considering the fact that last September, my ultrasound missed severe endometriosis that pretty much attached a small bit of my intestines to my right ovary...Yes, that explains my long hiatus from Edenfantasys. Recovering was a real bitch along with all the other bullshit that was getting thrown at me. (Medical bills, debt, fighting for disability to mention a few.)

So now, I lie awake at 2:56 am on this here Saturday morning in pain from my pancreas condition, and this unidentifiable kidney illness, with the urge to piss but nothing comes out. Sigh...Why can't I catch a normal identifiable illness like syphilis or something?! As terrible as it sounds, at least the doctors would know what it is and how to properly treat it instead of all these mystery illnesses!

Well that's all for the time being. I have lots of weird medical conditions, so I'll post about those another time, along with any updates on this whole kidney thing. Whoever happens to read this, I sure as Hell hope your health is a million times better than my own.

Thursday, August 23, 2012

Coochy Shave Creme Review

This is my most recent review that has been published on You can check out more awesome products while you are there! You can also use my affiliate code number WC4 to get 15% off of your order! 
This Citrus Crap Declared War on My Coochy!
Coochy is a shaving cream made by Classic Erotica that claims to be "the Best Shave Créme for Rash-free sexy skin...Everywhere!" Yeah...I wonder what that ellipses was for in the first place? The ellipses probably omitted that this stuff would work well for people who do not have sensitive skin, because it irritated the hell out of mine. Coochy is designed for shaving most intimate areas, but please DO NOT DO THIS IF YOU HAVE SENSITIVE SKIN! It contains some harsh ingredients that are NOT friendly to such areas. It also says on the bottle that it can be used as a hair and skin moisturizing agent, but I refused to even try it. Why should I after it gave my skin atrocious rashes and bumps? My scalp is even more sensitive than the rest of my skin, so I decided to make the smart decision and not use it on my hair. However, if you were wondering how to go about using it in this fashion, I will still include the directions that are on the bottle. It states that you should leave the product on your hair for 1-2 minutes if you have normal textured hair and up to 5 minutes for coarse hair; then you just rinse it out thoroughly.

Coochy Shave Creme is supposed to be formulated to protect all skin types, but I can vouch for this being a flat-out lie. I'll point out some questionable ingredients just to prove it to you:

Parabens! Parabens! PARABENS! Did I mention that it contained parabens? This stuff is terrible for people who are sensitive to it. I wasn't even sure that I was sensitive to this ingredient, which is why I gave this product a try. I found out the hard way that this stuff does terrible things to people who cannot handle it. I had some terrible rashes, bumps, and lots of itching on every spot that I shaved with this stuff. I even tried to be safe and spot test, but it deceived me there, too! Initially, it worked fine, but it took it about 30 minutes for me to start reacting badly toward it. Here are the rest of the ingredients that are listed on the bottle:

Water (EAU)
Cetyl Alcohol
Certimonium Bromide
Stearyl Alcohol
Glyceryl Stearate
PEG-100 Stearate
PEG-60 Lanoline
Aloe Barbadensis Leaf Juice
Simmondisia Chinensis (also known as Jojoba seed oil)
Hydrolyzed Keratin
Sodium Hydroxide
Fragrance (Parfum)

The very last list of ingredients confused me for a little bit:

May contain Yellow 6, Blue 1, Yellow 5, Red 40, Red 33, and/or Violet 2

How can they not know what the hell it contains?! It finally dawned on me that there are about 9 different varieties of this product that comes in different scents and colors, so it began to make much more sense to me.

Methylisothiazolinone is a fancy word for a paraben, since lots of people avoid that specific preservative; don't be fooled, this stuff is still not that great for people with sensitive skin, such as myself. Hydrolyzed Keratin and Allantoin are derived from animals, so vegans may want to use a different product.
Where / what types of places can this product be used?
  • Bath / shower
Texture / Consistency / Thickness / Viscosity
Coochy Shave Creme is white and somewhat thick. It is basically the same consistency as some hair conditioner. I suppose that makes sense, because this product can be used for such a purpose, but I refuse to do so; my scalp is far too sensitive to most hair conditioners already.

This particular product came in a 4 fl. ounce transparent bottle with a shiny yellow sticker containing all the necessary information on it. It's very easy to use, too. Just open the top, press the dispenser button, and squeeze the desired amount out. I'll give this product some credit, since it does not slide off of your skin like many other shaving products tend to do. Once you rinse it off, your skin does feel pretty smooth and it isn't greasy at all.

Other tags that are useful and descriptive for this product.

  • Smooth
  • Thick
Taste / Aroma
Due to this being a shaving cream, I did not bother tasting it. However, this specific product has a very nice citrus scent that is not overpowering. I actually liked the scent very much, even though I don't usually like the scent of citrus. However, this did fade fast, since nobody could smell it on me when I walked by them. I even asked to make sure, and they said they didn't notice any citrus scent. If you do not like citrus, there are plenty of other options such as, original, oh so original, unscented, make me blush, green tea, naked silk green tea, playful plumeria, and slick chic pear berry. I obviously chose one of the few scents that have a straight-forward name, since I like to keep things simple.
In order to describe product better please select up to 3 tags per category.
Other tags that are useful and descriptive for this product.
  • Light smell
  • Smells good
Unfortunately, I have to be the odd one out this time. The reason I say this is because Coochy Shave Creme is a very highly recommended shaving product here on I really despise this shaving cream and I hate how it left me itchy with rashes and bumps on all the areas I shaved. I used my brand new sensitive-skin razor with this product, and it still couldn't save my skin! To add insult to injury, my hair began to grow back much faster than when I shaved with my usual Skintimate shaving cream! My hair started to be very noticeable two days after shaving, which is not normal for me at all. I shaved my legs, underarms, and my bikini area with this; what a big mistake! Bumps began to show up on all the aforementioned places about 30 minutes after I finished shaving. It was a total nightmare! If you have sensitive skin and allergies, I'd definitely find something more skin-friendly than this junk.

Due to this being a shaving cream, I did have to wash it off. Even if you use this as a hair conditioner, you'll have to wash it off, too. There wasn't anything to clean up, since it washed off nicely. On the other hand, my razor did have this bizarre residue left on it that only seemed to happen when I shaved using Coochy. None of my other shaving creams left such a residue on my razor. It is rather unfortunate that the only thing I liked about this product was its scent.

There are other products that Classic Erotica has that is supposed to limit these adverse reactions, such as its Coochy Protection mist (which I do own and will review separately another day) that supposedly helps with this. It did make a big difference, but I would not recommend using the shaving cream by itself. It was mandatory for me to use the after-shave with it.

Other tags that are useful and descriptive for this product.

  • Allergy concerns
The packaging wasn't anything special. It came shipped in a transparent plastic bag that was tied to prevent the product from leaking out during the shipping process. There were no user instructions included with the packaging, but the bottle has everything printed on it already. Since the bag it came shipped in was transparent, it was not very discreet at all.

Other tags that are useful and descriptive for this product.
  • Not discreet
Special Features
Coochy Shave Creme claims to keep skin moisturized and smooth, but it didn't do much of either for me. Immediately after shaving, my skin was indeed smooth, but it was very short lived. Bumps and rashes started to develop on the areas that I shaved, so my skin wasn't very smooth for long. I didn't notice any significant changes in the moisture of my skin; it felt the same as always. All in all, this product did absolutely nothing for me and wasn't special in the slightest.

Personal comments
I'm an animal lover and advocate, so I am actually happy to acknowledge that this product was not tested on animals.

I was so anxious to try out this product because so many people recommended it! I forgot that I have to be extra cautious with skincare products due to my skin sensitivity. Calling this garbage a disappointment would be an understatement. It took my skin over a week to stop itching and two weeks for the bumps to go away! Coochy left a constant reminder on my legs, underarms and bikini area. I'll definitely be sticking to the Skinitimate shaving cream I use that is cheaper and works much better for my skin.
In order to describe product better please select up to 3 tags per category.
Other tags that are useful and descriptive for this product.
It smells nice, It isn't tested on animals
Irritated my sensitive skin, Has parabens, Not long-lasting, Did not keep me rash-free as advertised
Coochy Shave Creme is a crock of crap! It claimed to be a rash-free and intimate area friendly, but it went to war with my sensitive skin...and my skin lost! If you don't have sensitive skin or you can handle parabens, then knock yourself out. Otherwise, run for cover at your local drugstore and get something that wants to fight with your skin, not against it!
I rated this product a 1 star for making me look like a damn Nestle Crunch bar! Those bumps were gross and itchy for over a damn week!


I'll be gradually adding my current and future reviews to this here blog! Keep an eye out for them!