Saturday, August 25, 2012

The Curious Case of LadyDarknezz: Part 1

I've decided to post about recent medical issues on this blog as well. I mean, why the Hell not? The whole disabled thing is mentioned in the title anyway.

Eve from The Binding of Isaac by_efrejok-d54kprt
This isn't going to be a post about my rare pancreas condition, because it would take me ages to type about it, explain it, and all that fun stuff. Instead, this is about another mystery illness that I apparently have that's affecting my kidneys.

You see, a little over a year ago, I developed a kidney infection from God knows what. This infection has been lingering until this very day. That's right, it has not yet been defeated and I've finished my eighth round of antibiotics to try and kill whatever is messing up my kidneys. (I can't even remember if it's the eighth or ninth bout; I lost count because I take a lot of medicines every damn day.) I have all the annoying symptoms of a kidney or UTI infection: frequent urge to urinate, painful urination, etc. Now, imagine having these symptoms every day for over a year! Yes, I think it is officially driving my ass nuts!

However, my symptoms are becoming more serious. Now, I have severe lethargy. I'm not talking about just being really tired, I'm talking about I can't wake up or get out of bed a lot of the time. I also have blood in my urine sometimes along with dark-fatty stools. Sometimes, I can't even urinate for at least a day, and when I finally do, it's only a couple of drops! I feel like I can't even empty my bladder, too. I know, it's gross, but it is what's going on with me right now. I've been to the doctor and E.R. over some of these symptoms but they can't pin-point what's wrong. I'm exhibiting some of the symptoms of kidney failure, yet my ultrasound showed that my kidneys looked perfectly fine.

I'm sorry that I don't have faith in the damn ultrasound, considering the fact that last September, my ultrasound missed severe endometriosis that pretty much attached a small bit of my intestines to my right ovary...Yes, that explains my long hiatus from Edenfantasys. Recovering was a real bitch along with all the other bullshit that was getting thrown at me. (Medical bills, debt, fighting for disability to mention a few.)

So now, I lie awake at 2:56 am on this here Saturday morning in pain from my pancreas condition, and this unidentifiable kidney illness, with the urge to piss but nothing comes out. Sigh...Why can't I catch a normal identifiable illness like syphilis or something?! As terrible as it sounds, at least the doctors would know what it is and how to properly treat it instead of all these mystery illnesses!

Well that's all for the time being. I have lots of weird medical conditions, so I'll post about those another time, along with any updates on this whole kidney thing. Whoever happens to read this, I sure as Hell hope your health is a million times better than my own.

Thursday, August 23, 2012

Coochy Shave Creme Review

This is my most recent review that has been published on You can check out more awesome products while you are there! You can also use my affiliate code number WC4 to get 15% off of your order! 
This Citrus Crap Declared War on My Coochy!
Coochy is a shaving cream made by Classic Erotica that claims to be "the Best Shave Créme for Rash-free sexy skin...Everywhere!" Yeah...I wonder what that ellipses was for in the first place? The ellipses probably omitted that this stuff would work well for people who do not have sensitive skin, because it irritated the hell out of mine. Coochy is designed for shaving most intimate areas, but please DO NOT DO THIS IF YOU HAVE SENSITIVE SKIN! It contains some harsh ingredients that are NOT friendly to such areas. It also says on the bottle that it can be used as a hair and skin moisturizing agent, but I refused to even try it. Why should I after it gave my skin atrocious rashes and bumps? My scalp is even more sensitive than the rest of my skin, so I decided to make the smart decision and not use it on my hair. However, if you were wondering how to go about using it in this fashion, I will still include the directions that are on the bottle. It states that you should leave the product on your hair for 1-2 minutes if you have normal textured hair and up to 5 minutes for coarse hair; then you just rinse it out thoroughly.

Coochy Shave Creme is supposed to be formulated to protect all skin types, but I can vouch for this being a flat-out lie. I'll point out some questionable ingredients just to prove it to you:

Parabens! Parabens! PARABENS! Did I mention that it contained parabens? This stuff is terrible for people who are sensitive to it. I wasn't even sure that I was sensitive to this ingredient, which is why I gave this product a try. I found out the hard way that this stuff does terrible things to people who cannot handle it. I had some terrible rashes, bumps, and lots of itching on every spot that I shaved with this stuff. I even tried to be safe and spot test, but it deceived me there, too! Initially, it worked fine, but it took it about 30 minutes for me to start reacting badly toward it. Here are the rest of the ingredients that are listed on the bottle:

Water (EAU)
Cetyl Alcohol
Certimonium Bromide
Stearyl Alcohol
Glyceryl Stearate
PEG-100 Stearate
PEG-60 Lanoline
Aloe Barbadensis Leaf Juice
Simmondisia Chinensis (also known as Jojoba seed oil)
Hydrolyzed Keratin
Sodium Hydroxide
Fragrance (Parfum)

The very last list of ingredients confused me for a little bit:

May contain Yellow 6, Blue 1, Yellow 5, Red 40, Red 33, and/or Violet 2

How can they not know what the hell it contains?! It finally dawned on me that there are about 9 different varieties of this product that comes in different scents and colors, so it began to make much more sense to me.

Methylisothiazolinone is a fancy word for a paraben, since lots of people avoid that specific preservative; don't be fooled, this stuff is still not that great for people with sensitive skin, such as myself. Hydrolyzed Keratin and Allantoin are derived from animals, so vegans may want to use a different product.
Where / what types of places can this product be used?
  • Bath / shower
Texture / Consistency / Thickness / Viscosity
Coochy Shave Creme is white and somewhat thick. It is basically the same consistency as some hair conditioner. I suppose that makes sense, because this product can be used for such a purpose, but I refuse to do so; my scalp is far too sensitive to most hair conditioners already.

This particular product came in a 4 fl. ounce transparent bottle with a shiny yellow sticker containing all the necessary information on it. It's very easy to use, too. Just open the top, press the dispenser button, and squeeze the desired amount out. I'll give this product some credit, since it does not slide off of your skin like many other shaving products tend to do. Once you rinse it off, your skin does feel pretty smooth and it isn't greasy at all.

Other tags that are useful and descriptive for this product.

  • Smooth
  • Thick
Taste / Aroma
Due to this being a shaving cream, I did not bother tasting it. However, this specific product has a very nice citrus scent that is not overpowering. I actually liked the scent very much, even though I don't usually like the scent of citrus. However, this did fade fast, since nobody could smell it on me when I walked by them. I even asked to make sure, and they said they didn't notice any citrus scent. If you do not like citrus, there are plenty of other options such as, original, oh so original, unscented, make me blush, green tea, naked silk green tea, playful plumeria, and slick chic pear berry. I obviously chose one of the few scents that have a straight-forward name, since I like to keep things simple.
In order to describe product better please select up to 3 tags per category.
Other tags that are useful and descriptive for this product.
  • Light smell
  • Smells good
Unfortunately, I have to be the odd one out this time. The reason I say this is because Coochy Shave Creme is a very highly recommended shaving product here on I really despise this shaving cream and I hate how it left me itchy with rashes and bumps on all the areas I shaved. I used my brand new sensitive-skin razor with this product, and it still couldn't save my skin! To add insult to injury, my hair began to grow back much faster than when I shaved with my usual Skintimate shaving cream! My hair started to be very noticeable two days after shaving, which is not normal for me at all. I shaved my legs, underarms, and my bikini area with this; what a big mistake! Bumps began to show up on all the aforementioned places about 30 minutes after I finished shaving. It was a total nightmare! If you have sensitive skin and allergies, I'd definitely find something more skin-friendly than this junk.

Due to this being a shaving cream, I did have to wash it off. Even if you use this as a hair conditioner, you'll have to wash it off, too. There wasn't anything to clean up, since it washed off nicely. On the other hand, my razor did have this bizarre residue left on it that only seemed to happen when I shaved using Coochy. None of my other shaving creams left such a residue on my razor. It is rather unfortunate that the only thing I liked about this product was its scent.

There are other products that Classic Erotica has that is supposed to limit these adverse reactions, such as its Coochy Protection mist (which I do own and will review separately another day) that supposedly helps with this. It did make a big difference, but I would not recommend using the shaving cream by itself. It was mandatory for me to use the after-shave with it.

Other tags that are useful and descriptive for this product.

  • Allergy concerns
The packaging wasn't anything special. It came shipped in a transparent plastic bag that was tied to prevent the product from leaking out during the shipping process. There were no user instructions included with the packaging, but the bottle has everything printed on it already. Since the bag it came shipped in was transparent, it was not very discreet at all.

Other tags that are useful and descriptive for this product.
  • Not discreet
Special Features
Coochy Shave Creme claims to keep skin moisturized and smooth, but it didn't do much of either for me. Immediately after shaving, my skin was indeed smooth, but it was very short lived. Bumps and rashes started to develop on the areas that I shaved, so my skin wasn't very smooth for long. I didn't notice any significant changes in the moisture of my skin; it felt the same as always. All in all, this product did absolutely nothing for me and wasn't special in the slightest.

Personal comments
I'm an animal lover and advocate, so I am actually happy to acknowledge that this product was not tested on animals.

I was so anxious to try out this product because so many people recommended it! I forgot that I have to be extra cautious with skincare products due to my skin sensitivity. Calling this garbage a disappointment would be an understatement. It took my skin over a week to stop itching and two weeks for the bumps to go away! Coochy left a constant reminder on my legs, underarms and bikini area. I'll definitely be sticking to the Skinitimate shaving cream I use that is cheaper and works much better for my skin.
In order to describe product better please select up to 3 tags per category.
Other tags that are useful and descriptive for this product.
It smells nice, It isn't tested on animals
Irritated my sensitive skin, Has parabens, Not long-lasting, Did not keep me rash-free as advertised
Coochy Shave Creme is a crock of crap! It claimed to be a rash-free and intimate area friendly, but it went to war with my sensitive skin...and my skin lost! If you don't have sensitive skin or you can handle parabens, then knock yourself out. Otherwise, run for cover at your local drugstore and get something that wants to fight with your skin, not against it!
I rated this product a 1 star for making me look like a damn Nestle Crunch bar! Those bumps were gross and itchy for over a damn week!


I'll be gradually adding my current and future reviews to this here blog! Keep an eye out for them!

Saturday, August 18, 2012

And So It Begins...

Today, I've finally decided to make a blog. It's strange, because this is something that I thought I would have done much sooner. I am pretty isolated, due to my lame ass medical condition, but I still have the need to vent and comment about stuff that is going on in the world. Also, I am pretty long winded, so I tend to talk (or in this case write) a lot about whatever topic I'm focused on at the moment.

Basically, I'm still figuring out what I want to do with this blog. I was going to make it my depressing bitch and moan site full of rants about my condition and daily life, but I've decided to keep that sort of thing to a minimum. Instead, I want this site to be dedicated to the positive things I've learned about myself thanks to my health condition.

For instance, I've already known that I was into the more kinkier things when it came to sex, but I pretty much repressed it because I was told it was wrong for many years. The first person I told was my terrible prick of an ex-boyfriend who played along with it for a while, before he started lecturing me about being a sexual deviant, just because I like spankings, being tied up and being commanded, etc. I haven't even bothered telling my relatives about my lifestyle choice, because they are the least understanding people that I know, especially my parents...The very people I am stuck living with because my condition caused me to lose everything I worked hard to obtain on my own, which consisted of a nice apartment, car, job, and my final year of college; it has all been taken away from me.

You might be thinking, "Lady D, what kind of positivity can come from having your life flipped upside down suddenly?" Well, the answer is quite simple, you wonderful random blog-viewer you; it gave me plenty of time to think. I am constantly thinking about the things I've never had the time to think about, such as what I want out of life, and how I'm going to obtain it now. The answers to those questions have become so much simpler now that I'm ill; I want love, great mind-blowing orgasms, kinky sex with a loving Dominant, and life. I want to live, and that's exactly what I've decided to do now. Even though I'm stuck in my bedroom for 90% of the time, I make the best out of it. I make myself feel sexy, have long masturbation sessions and converse with like minded individuals on EdenFantasys and FetLife; the two websites that changed my life for the better. I'll be talking about those place frequently in later posts, but for now, I think I should try and take my sweet little ass sleep. Toodles for now, ya'll!